


Allez Avengers!

by introductory



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, Wordcount: 100-500
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-02-16 22:19:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2286456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/introductory/pseuds/introductory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"All right, motherfuckers, time's up," says Fury, slamming his hand down on the table with unnecessary violence, "put down your pots and pans -- Stark, don't think I can't see you sprinkling that cobbler just because I've only got one eye."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Allez Avengers!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sufferingsappho](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sufferingsappho/gifts).



> Originally posted 2012 May 25. I completely do not remember writing this _at all_.

"All right, motherfuckers, time's up," says Fury, slamming his hand down on the table with unnecessary violence, "put down your pots and pans -- Stark, don't think I can't see you sprinkling that cobbler just because I've only got one eye."

Tony drops the sugar shaker, which rolls under the table. Steve gives him a you're-the-worst look. Thor chuckles heartily.

Fury motions to the curtain. "Now, our judges will decide once and for all: _whose motherfucking cuisine reigns supreme!_ "

"Hey, stop swearing," says Bruce, adjusting his glasses. "This is a family show."

Steve and Tony's dishes go first: squid burgers with pickles and ketchup, squid curly fries, and squid cobbler à la mode. "This is, um, interesting," says Pepper delicately around a mouthful of dessert. "I can't say I've ever eaten anything quite like this before."

Natasha and Clint's squid stroganoff is largely inedible, but their squid-potato borscht is excellent, and even Fury comes back for seconds. The meal is accompanied by a bottle of squid ink vodka; Bucky takes three shots before abandoning the glass and going straight for the source. Jane, who's had two, decides with magnanimity to finish Pepper's serving of squid cobbler.

Thor, in the grand tradition of his Norse ancestors, has made [hákarl](http://www.meemalee.com/2010/12/hakarl-rotten-shark-worst-thing-i-have.html). Again.

"Did you bury that squid in _dirt?_ " asks Clint, making a face.

Loki sneers in his direction. "This dish is for refined palates only, Barton." He nudges the casserole dish forwards. "Judges, if you please."

"I am not drunk enough for hákarl," declares Rhodes.

" _Again_ ," adds Maria. Bruce nods. Apparently no one has forgotten the king crab battle. Or the venison battle. Or the time Thor mistook butternut squash for meat and made hákarl with it anyway.

"Is this dish not to your liking?" asks Thor, wringing his hands. Behind him, Loki shrugs at the judges, expression clearly saying _one of you guys better eat this before Thor overturns a table. Again._

(In the end, Coulson takes one for the team, gamely swallowing two bites of dirt-covered squid and giving a shaky thumbs-up.

Thor beams. Everyone else breathes out a sigh. Coulson downs the rest of Natasha's squid ink vodka in an attempt to wash away the lingering taste and makes a mental note to update his will.)


End file.
